For as long as I can remember, since I was a kid I always wished that I was special in a way.
It was after I watched Sailor Moon, then I thought that it would be nice to have power like her. So I – like any other kid – played with my imagination and used my headband and throw it like a boomerang, hoping that it would swing back to me like what Sailor Moon’s weapon does.
Then I watched Casper, and I kinda wished that I have a friendly ghost friend. I also thought that I would find out that I have superpower, that I could fly or something. That I would somehow figure out that I have something special that a very few people in this world have.
Then as I grow older, I read news about a guy who has a very rare blood type that can save lives; and I kinda hope that I have something like that too. I want to be special. I want to have something special, something obvious and useful.
But sadly, lately I feel like I’m just another face in the crowd. I’ve average life. I don’t see myself doing something significant that can change the world. Heck I even struggle to get myself a job. Even the recruiters don’t notice my CV that I edited individually for each job. I sent out hundreds of CV in 3 months and I get less than 5 calls in total and no interviews. It’s hard to stay positive and hopeful. Damn hard.
I know so well that it’s very unlikely for normal people to make an impact like Greta Thundberg; who at least knows what area that she wants to fight in. Or like Lady Diana who has a big heart and empathy for people and able to use her position to draw attention and help people in need.
Me? Heck I can’t even control my temper most of the time. I don’t know what I’m good at. I just hope now that I can be a relatable person to those who struggle too.
It can be difficult to find someone who share their struggle online. There are times when all I wanted was just to read something that real people write about the down side of life, the struggle that they’re having and that they feel alone and misunderstood, that they feel like giving up.
Because everywhere I see on social media is people flaunting about their accomplishments, their next big move, positive quotes below the photo that makes me wants to vomit coz I can’t relate.
Can you share the other side of being human? The not so glittery side please. It’s so easy to share the great, shining shimmering splendid side, and for me personally, that doesn’t really inspire that much without knowing the ‘human’ part of it.
Anyways nowadays I’m sure there are more people who have it bad, and probably they don’t even have time to share on the internet because they don’t even have access to it! I know that’s a possibility.
Well, this isn’t an encouraging and inspiring blog. I want to be relatable, I want to know that there are people like me too, that at least I’m not the only one.
Writing about struggle and the not-so-good part of life is difficult, because most of the audience know about struggle but they don’t want to expose it.
It’s too negative.
It’s heavy.
It’s dark and gloomy.
It’s uninspiring.
But for some people it’s real. And I’m choosing to share mine. I don’t care about what other people ‘might’ say about it.
I did care about what other people think about me and look where it got me? NOWHERE.
So I might as well say whatever I’m feeling about my situation, at least I let it out of my chest. I kinda need to make space for something better, a better feeling. So I’m Marie Kondo-ing my thoughts.
Bye.
Come Inside My Head 